When you can’t write any more

CW: This article contains references to mental illness and bereavment/grief.

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you may have noticed that I’m going through a pretty rough patch. For various reasons, including the loss of my childhood pet cat over the weekend, my mental health has taken a bit of a downturn. For some reason, however, I’m still expecting myself to maintain a daily word count of at least 1,667 words with NaNoWriMo.

Up until this point, writing my NaNo was one of the best times of the day. Now, I want to do so many things other than writing. I’ll sit to write in my NaNo file, and then I’ll feel this reaction of just no. Instead, I’ll go on Twitter or YouTube or Pinterest instead of writing, even if it has nothing to do with my WIP. We can analyze the psychological reasons for this to no end, but it’s frustrating when I know that I’ll feel so accomplished if I finish NaNoWriMo, but I still don’t want to do it.

It’s moments like this when I have to understand why I’m doing NaNoWriMo. I was hoping to use this as a jump-start towards my novel, and it would be nice if I had a finished first draft at the end of this, but I also can’t be this critical on myself during the first draft. Writing was always meant to be a way to express myself healthily, and it can’t be that way if I’m forcing it.

At this point, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time and be compassionate with myself, regardless of whether or not I make the word count for that day. It would be nice if I can win NaNoWriMo this year, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it if I don’t. I’m hoping it will get better as time goes on, and that writing can eventually help me through this time.

Thank you for listening, and I’ll see you next time!